I wrote a story

I wrote a story for children. Looking for feedback. Thanks! (Sequence is at end...)

The Three Sisters Bake Shoppe

The Three Sisters Bake Shoppe was neither in the center of town, nor existing on the edge of it. It was somewhere in between. Likewise, the three sisters themselves were neither tall nor short, plump nor petite. They were somewhere in between.

Their mother, believing that all things tidy were good, named the three sisters in the order of the alphabet: Alice, Beatrice, and Catherine. In the Three Sisters Bake Shoppe, the customers called Beatrice Bean. It was a child that started calling her that. One day, the little girl (Penny) saw Beatrice (Bean) pulling a pan of sticky buns out of the oven.

“Bean the Baker!,” she shouted, for no good reason at all.

And so it was.

The three sisters loved their bakeshop. Bean was the baker because she loved to bake, Alice was the waitress because she loved to talk, and Catherine was the cashier because she loved to count. It was all wonderful and good, and continued that way for many, many years.

Until something happened. Or, perhaps better put, someone.

The Mysterious Mister Major came into town early in the morning on a Monday. Some say he got off the overnight bus from Cincinnati, others say he popped into thin air. No one is certain. One thing everyone will agree upon, however, is that very same morning, he headed straight for the Three Sisters Bake Shoppe.

The door bell tinkled above as the screen door flew open, as though pushed by a strong wind. The Major entered the bakeshop, his neither too long nor too short (somewhere in between) hair flowing behind him. He was dressed head to toe in the darkest blue suit; the suit was so dark that it looked black until you got really close by, squinted your eyes, and tilted your head to the left. While his forehead was quite wide, and his jaw quite narrow, he was very, very handsome.

The first person he saw, and the first person that saw him, was Bean.

“I am the Mysterious Mister Major,” he announced.

“And I am Bean,” replied Bean.

Most people think that the Mysterious Mister Major was, in fact, the Magical Mysterious Mister Major, because sooner than you could say Hot Cross Buns, Bean had fallen in love with him. She had fallen so much in love with him that she forgot to bake. Alice and Catherine would show up early in the morning, and there wouldn't be any toasty warm bread, no steaming pies, and certainly not a cookie in sight. Bean would be off staring into the Major's eyes on some park bench in the center of town, which wasn't really all that near to the bakeshop, but not far enough away to excuse her forgetting.

So, Alice or Catherine would stomp off to go find Bean, and drag her back to make Bean bake. By that time, however, there would be customers outside, but no baked goods to give them. The Three Sisters Bake Shoppe started to loose all of their customers. No one came by after awhile, because neither did Bean. She spent all of her time with the Major and forgot about the bakeshop.

Alice and Catherine tried to make it work without her, by buying their breads, pies, cakes, and cookies from supermarkets, but it didn't taste fresh. They each tried baking, but they weren't very good at it. Alice was good at talking, Catherine was good at counting, but only Bean was good at baking.

“Oh, Alice, what shall we do?,” cried Catherine.

“My sweet sister,” answered Alice, I surely do not know.”

In the meantime, Bean and the Major had fallen even deeper in love. The whole town would come to them on the bench, in despair, yelling for Bean to bake, for the Mysterious Mister Major to go back to Cincinnati and leave their town and bakeshop in peace. Everyone was so angry about it, it made everyone angry about things they had never been angry about before, until everyone was mad about everything. They were so angry, in fact, that they didn't notice that Bean truly loved the Major, and the Major truly loved Bean.

It was Penny, who named Bean Bean, who finally figured out how to make Bean bake. She went to Alice and Catherine, who were sitting sadly in the Three Sisters Bake Shoppe, which now only sold coffee and tea to angry townspeople.

“Bean is a baker! A baker in love!,” cried Penny, “Tell her please. Be nice. Not mean. And ask the Magical Mysterious Mister Major (if he is indeed Magical) if he would like to do magic shows with pastry!”

“You win more friends with cake than bagels,” said Alice.

“Makes sense to me,” replied Catherine.

So, the townspeople walked from the bakeshop, which was neither on the edge of town nor in the center, to the bench, where the very-much-in-love couple sat.

“Please, sister, please return! We miss you! And Mister Major, please do magic in our bakeshop! We love Bean and we can all love you, too!,sang Alice and Catherine. Bean looked out of the Major's eyes and at her sisters. Because everyone had been mean to her, she just had wanted to stay with the one person who was nice to her: The Mysterious Mister Major. When she saw how much they had missed her, she knew they could all work together, even if the Major's name didn't follow in the alphabet.

And so they did.

The end

[Image of bakery sign: The Three Sisters Bake Shoppe (...and Magic House!) <-- Scribbled in different lettering at bottom. Penny stands under sign, through window see sisters, Mysterious Mister Major, and people]

Here's a great sequence from Maria Cristina, from Moving through my Vinyasa. If you got this far... thanks!